my life.

2008-04-11T00:41:00.002+08:00

i've just tendered my resignation as a ssc swimmer yesterday morning. 10years being part of the swim team there, i don't want to let go, but there's really nothing left for me to hold on to.so i'm officially a non-club swimmer now. sigh, i feel so "free" everyday now. there's no need to rush from school to the club to train anymore. there's no need to rush home to complete my homework. everything feels so different now. i've so much time. or rather too much time to spare i get pretty complacent sometimes.

yup, and although life was hectic in the past, with training almost everday after school, it really made my life a lot more meaningful because everytime i did a PB in a competition, the satisfaction i would get from it is something i cannot describe in words. on the other hand, everytime i didn't do a PB, i would get really upset(cry, sometimes!) because i really bothered about it.
but now that i'm almost a fully retired swimmer, swimming is one of my lowest priority. and i get this can't-be-bothered feeling when i don't do well. (even if i do PB +20 seconds!). which makes me really sad, not because of the timing, but my attitude. like, why am i so complacent?

no more NAGS. no more ASEAN Cup. no more interclub overseas and local competitions. sigh. i think only when you're a swimmer will you believe that each competition is filled with fun, joy and laughter even though the atmosphere is tense and nervous-y.
sitting together with your swim mates waiting for your event, sharing whatever energy drink we have, museli bars, sleeping mats to rest on, ipods, cardgames,rubiks cube(!), camwhoring and gossiping etc. not forgetting the muggers who will bring their work to do while waiting for their event. HAHA. i'll definitely miss all of that :)

& idk why but i have this sudden urge to hug all my dearest ssc swimmers whom i have grown up with! haha i really miss them a lot. i can see that they are all improving and doing well in sac so woohoo! i'm really happy for them:D
yup and many of them are able to represent singapore now! haha GO THEM! i'll never forget the oloo oloo freaky competition toilet aka slackers' area, the coaches' office and them gym :) i think that if i go on ranting, this post could be sum up to an essay of 9438276252251 words so yea, you get the picture. heehee.

alrite. now back to the present-
i'm joining the inter school biathlon! haha i'm doing the relay with Annette Tan :D she's doing the 5km running and i'm doing the 750m swim in open sea. zomg pressure because she's fast and wants to hit 23minutes! so i, being her relay team partner, cannot possibly pull her down. haha.

btw; i slept from 6pm to 11pm. so yes, in otherwords i just woke up. my sleeping pattern is so weird i swear. yea and got to get started with my chemistry bonding tutorial + GP essay (which my teacher has very kindly allowed me to hand up on monday. i didn't procrasinate!
she just went, "it's alright if you've no time and can't hand in tomorrow. monday is fine..." )
HAHA. so nice. hmmmmmmmmm-

2008-04-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

mgs invitational relay today was great. haha i got to meet up with rachelg, adeline, orisa, katherine etc. ex-ssc swimmers! woohoo. i miss them sooo much <3 haha. saw cheryl tan, huiyu and yvonne too because there's some sports fest for rgs in toapayoh. though i didn't get to see my dear yan ling! :(

anyway, i'm happy that our relay team won first for the 4x50mfree against other jcs ( rjc and acjc didn't come. so if they did, we'll probably get 2nd or 3rd. hahaha.) . our time was 2.04. haha. but i'm upset because i didn't swim well. pb+1. sigh, i know i shouldn't expect a pb since i haven't been training hard in terms of quality and quantity but i'm still disappointed :/ but it's alright. i guess i'm rather used to it already. disappointments after disappointments... what's new for me ?

alright. so mr loh treated us to Subway after the race! haha, at first he wanted to treat us MacDonalds. so the four of us went, "mr loh so kiam siap!" HAHA. then he wanted to save face so woohoo! we went subway. heehee.
then we went back to school at around 1250 but i had to shower so went into math class late, with only GP lesson to attend. pretty waste time right ? haha.

&& i didn't go for training today because i was super sleepy& tired. not from the race but the waiting. zomg. i hate waiting for my race to begin. gets me all so lethargic.

OH YES. one more thing. i took bus+ mrt home today ALL ALONE. honestly. this is like my first time ever. i was so afraid of getting lost okay. haha. i feel like such a loser. SHOOT ME. haha.
k. i'm going to take a short nap before doing my tutorials+ catch my last episode of 一房半厅一水缸！haha i think the show is so funny. it's like, immediate happy hormones in my body.

2008-03-30T02:21:00.009+08:00

Pictures from Jonathan's birthday aka tjc swim team dinner ! :D

Lenard, Myself, ZongYao, Tawan! :)

nice seniors!

Neritta& me. my bestest senior ! love you chicken nut bread ! :D

Eileen, me, Lynn ! :)

Tawan ! :)

Group pictures woohoo! :D

2008-03-26T01:07:00.001+08:00

results is not a measure of your self-worth.
results is not a measure of your self-worth.
results is not a measure of your self-worth.
results is not a measure of your self-worth.
results is not a measure of your self-worth.
results is not a measure of your self-worth.

...results is not a measure of your self-worth.

WHO AM I KIDDING.

2008-03-21T13:46:00.005+08:00

okay i realised that my chinese is deproving. i got a S grade (sub-pass) for my chinese :( so i shall type out an entry all in chinese.

昨天，我发现了一件事。而当时的我一时不知所措。当他们跟我说时，我

整个人仿佛迷失了自己。我不知该有什么反应。如果我说我诚心为他们开

心，我在骗你。但相反的，我并没有感到忌妒或难过。简单说，我心里只是

充满了一巨大的失望。我知道在朋友的份上,我应该为他们开心，但我始终

还是不能过我这一关。我不明白。我已经用尽我所有的能力了, 但老天爷为

什么总是要讽刺我, 一再的玩弄我。我觉得我总是别人的阴影,永远竖起不

了头。我觉得自己很失败。无论是做什么也好, 我总是比别人差。而既然我

的最好也不可能比认和人来得好, 我为何要持续那么努力呢?

当生命给你所有的理由不再相信自己, 你如何去面对自己?

好了不要说这些了, 事情已经过去了,再怎么想也改不了这个事实。我只能当这只是一场恶梦。

今天祝大家好新星期五! (good friday) 虽然没有了学校, 但功课还是那么的多!

我还是介意你的话,
总在无意间变化。

2008-03-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

rawrr i know i'm not going to get anywhere if i continue having this mentality of mine. but i can't help it. everytime i see something, it reminds me of another and it keeps on linking on. idk why i feel this way & i know it's not right at all. but why ? is there a way to block me out of all these? i think too much. maybe that's my problem. but if i didn't think about it at all, would it help/solve the problem?

anyway, march swim camp was good :) i need to stop being so contemplative zomg. haha. swimming training in the morning was alright. i liked the 10x50m make-on-time-for-each-lap-otherwise-whole-team-redo set. nice and exciting! haha i think i got more tired from being afraid of not making the time then the actual swimming. i held 35-37 seconds for each lap. haha i know it's slow but not bad for me alr haha. we had like, 1min rest time for each 50 . heehee.

yea then we had waterpolo ! woohoo i miss playing polo. haha then it was eastcoast bowling ! which was actually time for me to socialize with Eileen, Lynn, Eunice ! it's so nice to just chill & chat about almost anything& everything with people you know loves to talk like you ! haha. & went back to tjc for sleepover ! heehee mr loh cooked food for us how nicee zomg. played namegame after that. it was a game at like 12am around the track& sports com area how scary. & zomg stupid poot zongyao& roy kept "scaring" me because i was kind of afraid of the dark. haha.

no lights out ! how cool. haha though i was one of the first few to zzz . heehee next day was basically more of discussion of swimming carnival :) so yea short camp but i really got to know a lot of them much much more & most importantly, I LEARNT TO NOT BE SO DAO ! haha yayee 3-cheers for me :)

yea and i'm going to end this post. oh and today's chinese lesson was so contemplative. i meant, the story miss y was going through. haha omg i am learning how to not be contemplative & think so much here teacher- haha.

2008-03-16T11:31:00.001+08:00

oh yes and one more thing!
i butchered my hair off ! :'( and i regret i regret bcos i look like a monster nowwww. ok bye.

2008-03-16T03:55:00.012+08:00

hello pictures from sleepover at rachael anne goh's house ! woohoo :D hahaha.

2008-03-05T22:39:00.002+08:00

soek came back today to visit tjc =) woohoo it was so nice to see her ! haha i miss you girl . hope things get better for you in tpjc.

soek , me, crystal !

no time to update much. just that tmrw ive sports Xcel interview. and ive to appear confident which is something very difficult for me, sad to say.

sigh i'm worried. i want to get in , but on the other hand i know there's a mill others who are fighting for a place in this sports scholarship as me. AHHHHHH.screww it.

2008-03-02T16:37:00.006+08:00

zomg my last update was last week . haha . i'll attempt to update more today . erm , okay highlight of the week . i fell down . yes, AGAIN. this time in parkway overhead bridge stairs. thankgod i fell on the last step so i didn't tumble down the stairs . and i fell down pretty nice according to eileen and lenard. haha. embarrassing! and now both my feet are bandaged and my tendans on my toes are torn and kind of sprained/twisted.

yup , i'm currently training with tjc . at ite simei. haha. yup , and we had team dinner after trng on friday =) the seniors are very nice !

some pictures. credits to lenard!

the girls ! they are all my seniors, nice people =)

jerene, tawan , eileen and jiamin =D

this picture is taken with a Lenard . haha braceboy. my senior too!

the swim team guys with Mr loh ! =)

nice nice people too.

last but not least, a group picture! =)

2008-02-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

ive no idea what brought me here. i know i shouldn't even be here. i should either be training or doing my tutorials. sometimes i don't even understand myself. i'd rather run away from what i know needs to be done. i feel i'm taking granted of the time i have. i keep thinking there's always a tomorrow for me. i guess ive lost my sense of urgency. i need to take that first one step.

everything is done in such a slipshod manner. i don't know why but there seems to be so much in my head at the moment that i can lie on my bed for 2hrs and not get any sleep, even though my eyes are feeling so heavy. my heart feels so empty. i don't see that light in my life anymore. i look at everyone else and i can see that identity in them, that particular trait. it's so easy, but yet, why can't i find that in myself? i've realised there are too many problems ive been avoiding in the past. and i feel embarrassed at myself. i didnt think that it was such a big deal at all initially, but it has somehow gotten to a point whereby it hit me so hard that i thought to myself, just when is this all going to end? i don't want to continue living my life this way. i want to believe i am here for a reason.

you are who you are,
there's no one like you,
everyone is made different.
"sometimes you don't have to be great,
just good enough to be happy."

how true.

2008-02-18T23:47:00.003+08:00

zomg i'm currently suffering from tjc's dryland swimming trng. my back hurts from all the circuit + running trng today. it's worse than any form of SSC dryland trng. hahaha.
&& lenard was going around blowing balloons for people today. haha he blew 2 balloons for me and it all burst. so he blew for me another one and it just burst like, 5mins ago hahaha.

tjc swimteam (half). i'm being blocked by neritta, the blue costume girl. hahaha.
this was taken during tjc swim team "bonding" session =) which was actually stroke correction.

haha and mr loh made me correct justin's stroke which i think i totally suck at it.
i didn't know about the 4-beat kick, 6beat etc etc. haha.

anyway, today after land trng we went over to the oppo coffee shop to
"lou hei" as a swim team together, like over 30 people =D haha. quite fun lah. the tjc swimmers are really nice people. like when it comes to trng, they are all really dedicated and serious. haha.

tmr CG outing! goodluck to all those recieving posting results tmr=D

2008-02-14T22:05:00.017+08:00

Not much time to blog, just a short update and some pics from today's V day aka friendship day! ;) lol.

i'm the one with the wonderful winnie the pooh balloon who was given to me by my dearest ai ren crystal! lol.

anyway, this was what happened,

someone: "peck, stand in front leh!heehee"

so i moved in front and squat down...

and then, 1.... 2.... 3! they pressed me down tgt! haha stupid poots.
but i still love them x9382636! ;)

class 24/08 rocks my socks! although they are always disturbing and mean to me okay! lol.

HAHA esp stupid sean& dailami, hiding my balloon all around the classroom today.

this is Janan Long who came up with the i-use-my-finger-to-kiap-your-face picture taking session.

the MEAN boy who suans me like shit. lol.

during lunch opposite TJC.

Ether, the crazy woman, joined in the kiap-ing session too ;)

spastic! haha.

we were waiting for our chinese tchr to come.

vionna, myself xinyun ;)

gifts! excluding the sweets and chocos i received. from my seniors and my clsmates =D

HAHA i liked the winnie the pooh balloon so much i HAD to take it front view and back view.
picture credits to miss vionna hong ;)

anyway, thankyou guys and girls for all your gifts etc! esp those who sent flowers to tjc from other schools to me =) it was a great surprise and iwas really v touched okay.

&& my seniors from the TJC swim team too! haha and not forgetting the swimming teacher-in-charge Mr Loh, who gave each swimmer in the team a rose. although it was filled with thorns which poked my balloon! HAHA.

anw i had valentinezxzxzxzxzxzxz *winks* today ok but i had project work and my mom was alr in sch so i couldn't go out. haha nvr mind tmr! =)

2008-02-13T22:42:00.003+08:00

tmr's Vday aka friendship day! =) and tjc allows us to wear home clothes. lol and tmr we'll also reveal our identities to our angel and mortal =) my mortal is ____'s brother. lol, i think he knows who i am alrdy.
but i feel quite bad bcos i only wrote letters to him like today. nvr mind, at least i'm replying to his SMS-es now so not too bad right?

and my angel's so mean. he/she hasn't even written to me anything, at all): sad, i'm going to scold my angel tomorrow! haha.

yea and there was a cat in the lecture theatre when we were having maths lecture? HAHA. it was like at a corner quite near to me so i was kind of freaked out. then when lecture ended the cat tried to escape and it got scared so it pee-ed on the floor lah. zomg yucks. lol but it was a cute FAT cat =D

PW presentation tomorrow. omg, and the tutor is v demanding and intimidating. die die.

2008-02-11T20:36:00.000+08:00

http://www.y8.com/games/Bartender_The_Right_Mix
this game is super lame but quite fun&interesting so click the link and try! haha. my high score is 6000+ ;) hee hee hee.

yea i was kind of moody in sch today and when i got home, things didn't get any better thanks to my parents. whatever lah.
anw during econs tutorial today was super funny i honestly think my econs tchr is so weird, always picking on me. haha almost evry lesson she'll make me answer qn. today, she went, "yes peckyi, how do u answer this?". so i answered. then 5mins later...
"peck yi?". zomg she called my name like how many times today.

sigh got to present GP matters tmrw in front of the class. boo, im going to do on hypnosis! haha got all the info from my dad. he used to practise it.

so CNY this yr was okay lah. jus that my whole house was v packed on the 2nd and 3rd day till 4am? had frds over. gambling mahjong, blackjack etc. haha i think i lost $$ my mom lost ard $60 HAHA jin jia swayy ):

anw im suppose to take my night nap now but thanks to SEAN ive to stay awake now to do my pw cos someone didn't wanna stay back in sch today! HAHA watch it watch it! :D

2008-02-04T20:33:00.001+08:00

Chinese New Yr carnival @ tjc! ;)
omg it was so fun seeing all my eye candies and all. haha ok sorry that was random XD

indra! haha it's been grt with her i tell u. altho she doesn't agree with my taste! haha okay fine NOBODY in class agrees with my taste:(

indra melo me vionna! ;)

ok i know i look screwed here :X lol.

frds! don't worry i'll nvr forget u all ;)

mugging for maths test...

after studying ! total contrast of happiness:) haha on a side note, my watch is so nice :D

anyway my name is rachen everyone! haha yay my whole class calls me that now ;) i like. yes it's very original ok.

&& i might not run road run. depends if the house wants me to race. lol

2008-01-27T22:02:00.000+08:00

yooo i'm so dead from evrything this weekend. but it was fun. i hope every week is like that but then my studies will be -938263587.

anyway, go green day today was fun. basically the whole of TJC goes ard in diff locations of HDB flats to ask the residents to donate old newspaper&clothes for charity. here are some pics. i lost my camera cable so i can't upload the class photo! these are only those from my phone.

Vionna, zhising, me & indra!
my new classmates;)

look at the stack of newspaper behind us! && this frd of mine comes from Anglican High sch. wa seh, prestigious huh! smartiepoot ;)

ok my eyes look screwed here. lol

THEN on friday i was station master with weizhen, heidi and 2 councillor jnrs @ kampong glam for the geog challenge amazing race;)

some schs that participated in this challenge! :D victoria sch, pingyi sec, st pats, telokkurau sec, kc etc. haha.

and we were so hungry we decided to order MACS delivery! foooood ;) haha.

and i've decided to slaughter my hair short soon!

haha ok i know that is vry random.

2008-01-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

i did not do well. but i managed to stay in tjc. so well, i'm okay. altho i'm disappointed. lol and i cried so badly before i even took my results because i received a sms from my friend who is in another school who didn't make it with DSA. sigh, my whole heart really sank. i really everyone in my class back in tjc.

at first when i went to my class somehow i didn't really feel bonded with them. and i heard they all thought i was very dao, cold and proud so they didn't really speak to me. haha but now, omg we speak to each other like we've known each other for yrs.
the guys and girls there are omg siao. they get super high all the time. lol.

and i'm excited for tjc's 2nd orientation;) but i heard the 2nd one's not as gd. lol and i signed up to become a OGL (orientation grp leader). so i got to go for auditions. haha class 2408 we must get high and get thru the auditions ok! ;)

but anyway thanks for all the smses/calls you people sent me this mrng/afternoon. i think i received like, over 20 of them wishing me gd luck. haha.

and my weekend is super packed! i got my aunty's bday to attend(which i cannot NOT go) tmr. and geog challenge sat mrng back in my old sec sch KC. and go-green day on sunday for some tjc CIP stuff. it's hectic but i know it's so fun ;) not to mention all the assignments and projects due on Monday. omg siao-ness.

2008-01-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

hello. i know i haven't blogged for sometime. busy i guess. and maybe a little of no mood to blog. didn't go DAG for the last 2days too. right-
anyway, my last post was nth much la jus pissed off my parents for that moment. lol.

& thinking back i realise that there are jus some things u can't change. i realise i've always been trying but i still can't get there. and i often get kind of sad when i think abt it. sigh.. i KNOW i can do it but yet it always doesn't work out. WHY WHY WHY?! ahhhhhhh. whatever. i'm SICK of it.
there's just so many things running thru my mind now. i feel so half-hearted in everything i do. i don't even dare to start trying again.

2008-01-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

i hate my parents so much.

2008-01-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

i really miss kc and my dear 406 class and the teachers there alot. sigh nvr mind time to move on..

at least in tjc i've crystal and soekkhern ;)

i'll blog more next time..

2008-01-06T02:24:00.000+08:00

Orientation group 10=)

(click to enlarge.)

haha our faces are painted with some black logo.

i'm at the right side of the picture. at the back... haha.

post about orientation next time... lazy to type out.

2008-01-01T16:57:00.000+08:00

hellooo. let me announce that on the very 1st day of 2008 i baked brownies myself. haha first time. but then it turned out quite bad. (although i bought the hershey ingredients! ) haha. it turned out so hard like charcoal on the top and underneath is like, melted chocolate. haha so sad. and the shape is like one lump of shit. haha. anyone wants to try?

so i let my sister's friends try. haha they say not bad lah, first time ma. haha. anyway, i'm waiting for my 5.30pm show to start. half an hour more. haha yes samm, i'm very supportive =)
and i got my aunty's wedding dinner later. boring. haha.

school tomorrow. haha i'm in OG group 10. hope the orientation would be fun. i think i'll be quite busy next year if i stay in a JC. haha. and O levels results is coming soon... shit. DAG swimming c'ships too. but i think it will just be samm and me competiting with each other. haha. but swimming doesn't really matter to me anymore=)
(haha yang jiao lian better not see this) ><

and i haven't been for polo for 2 weeks before yesterday. my ball handling still damn bad. haha the coach is quite fierce and strict. and the girls there are quite old. 20+. haha so there i'm considered a junior. sounds good ah? haha at swimming i'm a senior. polo i'm a junior. haha now you know why i like waterpolo=) i'm kidding. hee.

but the girls there are quite strong. always press me down and when i can't get the ball. wa lao eh... i buay tahan. haha. but it's nice to fight for the ball. haha like when it gets violent, i like =) haha.

2008-01-01T05:03:00.000+08:00

haha i honestly have no idea why am i blogging. 5am i should be sleeping. yet i am here. haha. i know my blog has been plain with those short posts lately but then there's really nothing much lately=) and i'm getting lazy of blogging. i think we get sick of things after sometime. everything just dies off.

2008. haha resolutions. i always try to make them at the start of the year but when it gets to the middle of the year, i get kind of complacent with them. i just hope that in the next year i'll stay more focused.i guess it's because of the times that i lost focus and made choices i regret now. but i hope i've learnt from these mistakes. time to move on... haha.

though there are still many things in life i wish i could be better at and change. haha.

merry new year everyone! always believe that every year gets better=)

2007-12-31T02:57:00.000+08:00

helllooooo. 2008 is coming... haha quite fast.
anyway thankyou friends for sending the cards and gifts over to my house during christmas. really appreciate it. and all those that walked with me, giving me support through this year... thankyou=)

2007-12-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

i just know that however i try i will not get what i want and things will never go my way. so i really don't care anymore.

2007-12-19T10:40:00.000+08:00

"If you're everything to everybody, you end up being nothing to yourself."

2007-12-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

i realise how some people thinks that they must be treated the way they want to be treated. apparently they don't seem to understand that it goes two ways. anyway, i thought i should take some time off maplestory. i'm almost level 38 already (: of course lah. i pia all the way. heh (:

anyway, the posting results for first 3 months came out today :D i think almost all my classmates got into the college they wanted! 3-cheers for class406. haha call us nerds. whatever (:
&& crystal got into TJC. means, i'm stuck with her for the first 3 months next year. haha. omgomg, what a misfortune for me! heehee i'm kidding. <3 and ally! SAJC! your dream school right right? (: haha i'm so happy for all of you (:

and ally, i jus read your blog. i feel the way you do sometimes. i don't know how to make you feel better but just don't be affected by the people who don't understand and appreciate
your kindness. they are not worth it.just remember you have all of us, all of your x93827362 friends that are by your side always <3

you always think i'm in the wrong. you don't even give me a chance to explain.
and it has come to a point that i don't even bother to explain anymore ;
because i know you wouldn't believe me.
it is all different now.
i guess it's already pre-set in your mind that whenever a problem arises, it's always linked to me,
and somehow i'll be dragged in and it will become my fault.
i don't understand at all.

2007-12-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

heyhey(: i'm back from my holiday. haha. it was just shopping, shopping and more shopping x9372638. zzz. good for my mom and sister. but i'm not really a shopping person. haha but i still bought stuff. quite alot actually. heh ><

and omg, sarahlai is so tall now -__-'' haha her brother too.

kk first we, 3 families in total, drove up to Genting. it was freezing- esp. during December period. heh(: and there's the smoke smoke coming out from your mouth when you speak. cooool :D and my dad&sis went to Casino. wah lao eh. i couldn't go. grrr. nvm nvm, 5more years :D

then we drove to KL. then the shopping spree went on for 3full days. heh. the chinatown street was the best. the things were super cheap and and, it was fun watching my mom and sister bargining like siao. damn funny. haha. but they're

damn pro at it :D

yea. and pictures! :D i won't upload all of it. lazy. haha.

My sis and me at Genting!

look at this cold-ness of Genting! haha.

The indoor theme park! cool :D

on the way up to genting. the highlands!

upon reaching genting! you could see the clouds. :D haha.

then we left for KL! the twin towers! :D

on the way back to the hotel.

kk let me introduce. on the most left is my friend and her boyfriend. haha not kidding. (she's younger than me!) hahah.

and that's her parents at the back.

look at the camera mom!

DOH! haha.

my hair looks kind of screwed. i just woke up! haha.

my dad says, "hurry up take more pics! i need to use up my 1GB memory card in the camera!"

so there you go.
a random spastic picture of me. haha!

hi parents! DOH! haha.

sis says, "want some twisties?".

haha. the ultimate pigs!

Dunkin donuts! <3

haha. i ate so much junk food in KL.

i'm such a pigg now :D

yea there's more pics but i'm lazy and i've to pack for TJC's dsa orientation tomorrow! :D there's going to be games etcetc. fun! :D haha.

2007-12-07T03:49:00.000+08:00

yooooohooooo(:i've learnt the i-am-pissed-look-at-my-black-face face expression from cherylho today. haha. cause people say i don't look angry when I AM ACTUALLY VERY ANGRY. ya. "some people" should know that i get pissed too.

AND i'm leaving for Genting KL and Penang in 1hour time! it's like 4am and i don't intend to sleep tonight so i can sleep in the car tomorrow. haha.
ANYWAY,
i trained once today only :D but i think it was my best training since Jaan left. haha. and yesterday night we didn't train cause it was raining:D hee and rachelyeo and ziyao came! omgomg, i haven't met them since x93826352.

so we played cards! at outside the gym. yea and WangJiaoLian backstab me! she went to tell my mom i was super happy when it started raining so i don't need to train. LOL. and you know how she EXAGERATES right. haha.

a side note, im level 35 already! :D:D

2007-12-05T10:22:00.001+08:00

oo i haven't blogged for a few days. haha that's what happen when you're a Mapler. i barely use my MSN now too. heh.
anyway, i just came back from morning training. and something tense happened today. haha Yang Jiao Lian ROCKS. and ___ cried when yang jiao lian scolded him. and ___ got scolded partly because of me. wahaha.who ask_____ come and annoy me. wa, but i felt so good when ___ got scolded and cried. haha ___ should learn that silence is golden.

haha and whenever there is argues or quarrels, i just walk away. yea that's me. haha and if anyone wanna know who is ____. just ask. i WILL tell. ___ knows i can't stand or be bothered with him anyway.

oh and i'm leaving on Friday for holiday. haha Sarah Lai's( a swimmer) family and my family. going for a short trip to Genting then Penang KL around there. yupyup(: it's going to be fun! haha.

anyway just an update on my life. i've basically been training + water polo+ gym+ maple. yea, everyday there's something. haha it seems i'm more busy now than when i had O levels. haha.

2007-12-01T10:35:00.000+08:00

wa lao eh. why am i ME? sigh sigh. i know that's such a horrible thought but...!
i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself.
i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself.
i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself. i love myself.
kk i am going to say this everyday in front of the mirror.

anyway, i shall just put aside who i am for now and just blog super happily cause i am NOT me. haha.
So. there's Ace Invitational Meet at toapayoh on 29&30th december. eh i don't feel like going. zzz. my training now sucks. but Yang jiaolian says MUST go. but the thing is, i don't think i can go anyway. i got something on on 30dec. heh(: so it's either i go for comp or i go for the tjc dsa thingy. yupyup(:

and yang jiaolian wants me to take 50m, 100m, 200m fly and NOT freestyle events?! wth. doesn't make sense to me.
and when i told him my no.1 stroke is freestyle, he was kind of shocked and didn't believe. then he said, "show me something good about your freestyle lah." then he started laughing. sigh sigh. my freestyle seems to be THAT bad.lol.

& he wants me to start training 200m fly. zzz. all the no.1 sets during training now, i have to do fly. that's what happens when you've a new coach. haha.
haha and i think i've developed a kind of phobia for racing fly events. haha. like, i don't mind training fly but i just don't want to race fly.

OH YES and i've a new ipod Nano video. haha, so i'm going to epic centre later to buy the cable so i can put TV shows/movies into my ipod and watch it. haha omg exciting ;D all my fav shows and all the indian hindi Suria shows whatever everything in ! hahah.

but honestly leh, i've stopped being such a tv addict. maybe cause of training and waterpolo? since it is from 7pm to 9pm. so by the time i get home it's late and there's no more nice shows. haha. i feel like i've let down the 七公主 leh. i missed EVERY episode of it. because training lah! always OT (overtime). haha but nvm nvm, priority! haha :D

yea and i'm going down to Arena warehouse sale later. omg, i've been spending so much on swimming costumes. i've a mountain of them in my cupboard(: haha and i shall stop here i'm going for a nap. heh, NOT pig. i trained this morning okayy so i deserve some sleep now(:

2007-11-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

wa lao eh. i got cheated in MapleStory again. this time is WORSE. i got ripped off my items total 1.4million. sigh sigh. haha. nvm it's only a game BUT i don't want to play anymore. i always get cheated. damn unfair lah.

anyway, i'm going to just randomly blog because i got training soon. zzz. the coach keeps tell me i've to go training AT LEAST 8 times. haha. and he thinks my no.1 stroke is fly. omg, no way lah. my fly is super lan.
wahaha but ytd i didn't break stroke. duhh, coach yang was staring at each lap i swam. cause there was only like, 3 people altogether? haha. 2 other boys+ me.

&& i'm not changing to polo or whatever lah. i'm just doing, both? yea, polo only 3 times a week. and waterpolo is fun :D cause it's something like rugby? violent and rough. good way to relieve stress and anger. haha.

Jaan's farewell group picture! (:

2007-11-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

okay waitwait. i have to say this again. my blogskin is SO nice (: haha right-.

anyway, yea and maybe you were right. something IS wrong with me. hmmmm.
i've been asking myself lately what do i really want in life. cause sometimes i feel i'm losing myself. my own identity. i'm doing things that i don't even know why. and the sad thing is, i can barely know who am i anymore.
i'm like a ship in the middle of the ocean, lost. and i only choose the big best ships to follow but i get left behind halfway because they are too big and good for me.
are they just unrealistic goals?
i might have known it earlier. but why did i choose this path?
it only gets me more lost, and to a certain extent, demoralised- to see that i'm apparently not good enough, even with the 101% effort.

i don't even know how to be just be ship i am. and just get back my own identity. be who i am. and love myself for that.

haha it's okayyyy. i think it's just a phase in life. so ANYWAY,
i went for movie last night till 2am? yupyup(: watched Fred Claus. it was okay. but i thought Beowulf was a better movie.
heh. so i'm going jogging soon. and then, i'm going to watch another movie(:

2007-11-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

i'm editing this post. because i found a NICE winnie the pooh blogskin. omg, so cute and nice right! :D haha. everyone, especially crystal knows i ONLY like winnie the pooh. haha, she always buys for me winnie the pooh stickers! (:

anyway,
i just came back from cheryl ng's surprise birthday party! :D haha. yea, basically we surprised her at her house. prepared balloons, banners etc etc. and you should have seen her shocked face. haha cheryl ahhhh. <3 i'll post the pictures up when crystal sends them to me (: haha. then we watched hairspray. wa lao eh, i think the show is so boring leh. maybe not my type lor. haha.

yea and i walked home after that, with victoria and weizhen. thanks for sending me home weizhen. that weizhen woman i tell you! she was so scared i would get lost that she insisted to send me RIGHT to my front gate of my house. haha.

YES and i didn't train for 2 days. wahaha! but i'm training tomorrow. shit- zzzz. but nvm, i'm going for waterpolo tomorrow night at toa payoh again. haha.

anyway, i think i'm going to end here. i'm quite sad when i saw ______. yea, i shouldn't have...... nvm.
regrets. yea, i have regrets. it's sad. you know how you get so upset over something you try to change but yet, it just doesn't work out. and how frustrated you get sometimes. and sometimes i wonder if the choices i made in life were different, would i be happier?

2007-11-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

wa lao eh. i'm so sick of training. I DO NOT WANT TO SWIM ANYMORE. i'm getting crazy training when there's like 0% motivation.
and i'm like, FORCING myself to train everyday. note, FORCING. i've never forced myself to train before. and now i am. WTH. enough is enough. i'm NOT going to train anymore. screw NAG. or whatever competitions that are coming. i DO NOT care. i'm so pissed i feel like crying.

It used to be a group of girls all training together. like, how we whine about the sets, and push each other along, learn to keep up with each other etc. thats what keeps training going. and that's how we improve. team mates. not just training alone swimming up and down. lap after lap. sigh.

ANYWAY,
polo was okay. quite tiring. and my right hand is numbed from throwing the polo balls. haha. it's quite different from what I thought. alot of basic skills to learn. like treading water, you're not allowed to do breaststroke kick underneath. haha yupyup(:

Yea and im going to sleep now. because i've been mad for almost the whole day tonight. and i can feel the heat in my HEAD. zzz.

2007-11-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

I'M SO SORRY BUT I CANNOT STAND _____!

2007-11-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

the pool water has been so cold recently. rawrrr. & i think the weather is getting me sick. chilly and cold. the pain in my muscle is like piercing into my skin.

and i'm getting a little bored training alone lately. the swimming environment is so bad. there is only douglas, elliot, marcus who comes often. barely any girls. which means i'm always the only girl, apart from the small kids. sigh sigh. i can't help but feel kind of sick of training? it's so different now. so dry. boring:(
i feel like quitting.

ANYWAY, apart from my isolated training, i'm going for waterpolo try out tomorrow at toapayoh. haha.

anyway, i like this picture! my hair looks so weird. haha i didn't even know when this was taken until i saw it in gg's phone. haha.

i may seem indifferent about it,
but it really affects me,
it makes me sad.

2007-11-20T16:18:00.000+08:00

Graduation Pictures! :D
haha all my clothes were chosen by Crystal,Alicia and Priscilla(:
and our class video. ask me to send it to you if you want (: i have the disc. heh.

I wanted to take more pictures with the teachers but they gone home so early. grrr shit ): haha.

Anyway, training today was fun! cause yan ling finally came. haha but samm wasn't there. booo so no spy training :(and the coach made me do 3km time trial. zzzz. and yanling only had to do 2km! unfair lor. haha.

2007-11-16T20:09:00.000+08:00

i went to shop for GRADUATION clothes for 8 hours with my crystal alicia and priscilla! :D haha the theme for graduation lunch this Monday is Retro!(:
haha my clothes i bought are totally retro lor. but i won't say what is it like now. haha otherwise not fun already(:
and i think i spent a bit too much today. like, $150 on clothes. haha but then i don't usually shop AT ALL. haha.
&& the 3 of them chose EVERYTHING from head to toe for me :D thanks women! haha.

oh yes and another thing, i CAN FINALLY DO RUBIKS CUBE. my record now is 4minutes. ya i know pretty slow lah but i just learnt! haha.

YES and the new coach is such a saddist. Mikael fell today and he put his thumb up ( a good sign). haha dots. rawrr i feel like going for the Malacca swim trip but then there will be so little people going :( hmmm.

AND omg. i think my hair is pretty obvious cause everyone noticed it. haha. the colour is getting brighter and brighter each day.
i realise i did alot of things to my hair recently :D but crystal and me made a deal that we cannot cut our hair for the next 1 year, AT ALL(:
cause i want bob style lah! :D

yea and i've gone back to play MapleStory. and i just got CHEATED 8k. sickening. then i ask the guy why he such a cheater and he asked, "who ask you so stupid". WTH. i feel so insulted! haha.

2007-11-13T11:02:00.000+08:00

omgomg. can't take it :D
i got something to confess. 我终于考完试了!
i feel a little tight in my heart now somehow. it's like, i'm going to BURST out all the joy SOON. ahhhh. maybe during training later. haha(:
Results i worry next time lah. heehee.

so now i can 全力以赴 watch my chinese shows :D haha and wed! omgomg. first episode is ouxuan. EXCITING. :D "我们去斗一下!" sounds familar? hehs.
and the star awards prelude is so sickening. qiyuwu is not even in the top 10. wth. nvmnvm, ouxuan is 1st in the womans' section. yesyes!(:
才华hengyichuxingxiu2007. ahhh wei lie didn't win. and i missed his part of acting. ahhhh. wasted. but anyway pangjun won. Alicia must be damn happy lor. sighsigh. haha.

heh. and i'm going to sleepover at Geetu's house tomorrow(: rawrr, can't wait. i have my whole Nov and Dec planned out already. haha exciting.
but then i also have to start going back training often. because i don't want to be a sucker in the pool. get it? haha right.

okay now that my Os are over, i realise that apart from all the joy and freedom i will enjoy, there are still some things that i promise to settle after my Os:(
so perhaps that was why i was quite stonned after my last paper. reality. __ to sort out.
maybe i used my Os to push aside everything and run away. but now that it's over i have no reason to ignore. and i'm a little worried.

i want an end to it.

2007-11-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

One part of The Pink Panther Movie(: haha. funny.

2007-11-11T05:06:00.000+08:00

omg it's Sunday(: i love sundays!
haha because there's 才华hengyichuxingxiu2007. AND 福满人间.
and and, 最高点! which has my ou xuan and qiyuwu! :D haha yesyes(:

not to mention next week there's 七公主+dude. omgomg. but i think i'm going to miss it cause of training. haha shitshit. but then it's also good because i think i'll get too high watching it also lah.
i've been such a TV addict. but i don't think i will be anymore after my Os, cause i'll be training ( i hope). hehs(:

and today i had to face 2 most talkative woman. aiyar, talk about it in my next post. my comp is running out of battery and i'm lazy to charge it. haha(:

2007-11-10T00:37:00.000+08:00

2007-11-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

我真的很伤心.

2007-11-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

you know how you feel so dead but yet, good? haha RIGHT. diaoo (:
i trained twice today (: haha. i was being 30 days anti-chlorinated btw. so i was drowning like a hippopatamus (?). hahah.
i feel like an old fat hag. so 恶心.

but luckily the coach knew about my swimming hiatus, so he asked me to do a different programme. haha, though i still died in it.
and he said i looked like SOMEONE. then i told wang jiao lian. and she said something so mean about the "someone". hahah but i shadn't say who. tsktsk, wang jiao lian so 刻薄 ahhh. (: but then thankyou for your compliment(: hee.

and can he PLEASE call me 碧艺. not pei yi. i told him so clearly Bi Yi. but i think he was influenced by Wang Jiao lian and Zhang Jiao lian lah. hahah. i don't like pei leh. it's so 恶心.

and i didn't get to go cycle and stayover at Gareth's place with them today cause my parents didn't allow. haha sorry gg!

anyway, the new coach is just like another liu jiao lian. haha 0% temper. i kind of miss liu jiao lian leh. sigh, and i miss alot of people at ssc too. those who left. especially the swimmers, staff, coaches :(
rawrrr. i want them back now! ahhhhh. 回来吧. :'(

and 对不起 to those i have been ignoring the past few weeks because of my Os. hahah. i was busy lah.

yea and i just realise that i shouldn't have got close to crystal, pris. HAHA. cause when they first knew me, they thought i was someone very 'cool', cause of my never-smile- face. then they said after getting close to me, i'm very different from what i seem to be, which is uncool. haha 真是气死人 !

no lah i'm kidding. actually deep from my heart i feel very blessed to have them as my few great friends.
we won't lose contact after we leave KC, i promise(:
i hope we end up in the same school next year, but then i'm not very smart. so most probably won't. sigh. but it's okay cause i know you'll NEVER forget me<3 hahah.

用尽全力,
却得不到同样回忆.
原来失去是那么简单.

2007-11-06T20:21:00.000+08:00

BOO! :D my O levels is sort of ending. haha next week 3 sciences MCQ exam paper then i'm done :D so i'm kind of free already. haha. but not VERY free. so SPY outing next week okay? sorry! hee.

O levels was a little stress but the worst was when i fell sick in between my exam. haha quite unlucky. i almost didn't take the paper that morning but then i decided to just pia. haha.

oh and i just found out 2 chinese songs that are so nice! it's at the side of my blog! :D haha. one is from The Peak chinese drama. the other one is from somewhere. ( can't say. haha) listen listen!(:

training tomorrow! i wonder what the new coach programme is like. i heard he's cao nice. hmm and i don't think i can make the on times anymore. haha shit. but at least i get to meet people in the club i miss a lot (: plus point!

我发现我一直以来都在寻找我不可能得到的东西.
而到了最后,
我所感受到的只是后悔.

2007-10-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

If it never starts, it will never end-
am i prepared?
i don't know. i mean, this is it. a stretch of 3 weeks. and i'll just try my best?

and another thing, i did something to my hair. haha. i _____ it! yesyes, now all SPY girls have _____ hair. haha. but samm says she can't really see the difference. but i think it isn't so pong anymore? haha.

apart from that, i realise how much i missed them when i saw Sammie, Rachelyeo, Gareth Edwin yen.. i thought that since i haven't been training for a month(?), i would have probably forgottten them. but when i saw them, oh boy. you'll never understand the feeling.

there are so many people you think you've forgotten them but when you actually see them... it's a whole different story.
and i'm sad because i realise how much i miss training and all of them.

2007-10-11T18:56:00.000+08:00

I FEEL LIKE SHIT.

2007-10-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

it was just something held in me for too long.
and i couldn't help but let the tears out.
i am petrified. i feel so lost. the fear, it's choking me.

and when my maths teacher asked me what was i depressed about, i stumbled upon her question. i didn't know how to answer.
it was just: everything about me.

but i didn't know how to put it across. she has always been the one building up my self-esteem and pushing me on, giving me the confidence i need.
i don't want to disappoint her.
i don't want to disappoint all my teachers. myself and even my parents.

those working behind the scenes. everyone is doing so much for me,and yet, i don't seem to be producing as much as they are doing for me.

i don't want to believe i'm can't do it,
but i can't help but feel this way.

2007-10-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

Haha. Here you go Miss Quah ShirLee and Mr Benjamin Ho.
you 2 wanted to see how ER XING my hair is now right? haha.

Priscilla took this pic of me today when i was studying. haha. the only recent picture i have of myself is this one.
i've been a rather pathetic state studying. Sigh.

Omg. I just realise Lee Dan Dan, that hilarious sports school swimmer got into TJC with me, using DSA. haha cool.

Anyway, i ponned school today. haha went with crystal & priscilla to the library at 10am to study. haha. heard our class only 14 people went to school.
haha i hope alicia goes school tomorrow. i got so much to tell her about_! ahhh. can't take it :D

and i just changed my phone. sony ericsson k880i or something like that. and my phone is CRAZY, literally. it calls people on its own, honestly.
and the worst thing is, it went to all the letter "M" and called some of my teachers at like, 2am?! shit shit. how to face the teachers in school :x

and i realise my blog has been quite dry lately. on a side note, i'm feeling very dry lately as well.

nvm nvm. look at this picture.
again, pictures courtesy of priscilla. hee.

mrs ch gave us each one of those sweet for childrens' day! :D

haha. <3
and because the 'chickens' were so cute, my whole class went mad over the sweets.
haha yy's group of friends even decided to form a family of chicken. put them together and went, "this is the father chicken.... this is the mother.. etc".

HAHA. pyscho(?) people! but i still love them. eeee sounds cheesy. haha.

2007-09-23T18:19:00.000+08:00

i have facebook, officially. haha, it looks cool. but i'm still rather noob at it. DOH! & the only reason why i have it is because... NEVER MIND(: but i need to learn how to use it.
all i know is that i've been bitten by russell and i'm a vampire now (?) haha. and all i do i go around poking people ;)

anyway, i've school tomorrow. haha that's good,because i really miss school. takes my mind off alot of stuff. but i don't want to get back the rest of my results. sigh. quite worried. i've totally no confidence that i'll do well.
i don't mind studying. but i want to score as well. i want good results :( sigh..

short entry. life's been boring :(

2007-09-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

today marks the end of the prelims! so teachers told us to enjoy the day.
haha so i went training. pretty "enjoyable" huh. haha, it was 50x50m En2 long rest cruise. and i completed the WHOLE thing. haha i feel so accomplished.

yea and i realise that i shouldn't blog about _ because aunty shirlee ahhh. hur hur. haha. you sneaky sneaky ;)

and mymy, my idol today was so cool. oh boy, i aspire to be a policewoman now. haha just joking. but anyway, she's so cute. plus, i'm NOT lesbian hor. *winks to rachelyeo and shawn and gareth*

today after training was like crazy. i was getting quite high. haha and i think gareth/shawn/yeo thinks i'm pyscho already. haha, and i squeaked(?). oh man, it was madness. i didn't know my voice could go so high. yea i should squeak more often. (so that people won't come to say they sound like me whenever they have a sore throat.) ahem ahem*

haha omg did i blog what happened about my sec3 STUPID chinese teacher. she went to whisper to my dad in chinese " eh your daughter's voice like that hor, does she feel very sad or have any inferiority complex?"

WTH! she's so bimbo. my voice really that horrible meh. so i wanted to tell her, "if i were you, i'd suffer from depression" haha. annoying. sigh, how insulting.

yup and today mrs O was giving out the chemistry prelim exam results. haha, crystal/alicia/priscilla and me didn't dare to see it. so we tossed a coin.
and it told us to NOT see it. haha, so i don't know my grade. and the whole world is jumping for joy because they did good.
shit lah. i've a feeling i won't do well :(

2007-09-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

after tomorrow, i'm going to take a break for 2 days.
2 WHOLE DAYS of anti-mugging. heehee. can't wait.

tomorrow's exam is mutiple choice only. so can tikam tikam choose answer. haha, so today was quite free. slept from 11am-5pm. get back my sleep debt from the past few days. i'm such a pig.

yea and today Amaths paper. i just realise i must reduce the size of my handwriting. it's too big.
during exam, i always have to raise up my hand to request for more paper :X

i wish i didn't know,
at least i won't get hurt.

2007-09-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

just a few more! just a FEW more to go. and i'm done.
and then a month of intense mugging and... I'M FREE! but for now. hmmmm :(
anyway,
my FAVOURITE actress is in the 9 o'clock channel 8 show! HAHA. omg, she rocks x98376264. she's got so much style! my idol :) especially her role in the show. haha. she rockss!

so.
there's open water swim soon. i wanna join. but i don't think my parents will allow. it's ONE miserable week to O levels -_- but i'm keeping my fingers crossed (:

2007-09-16T02:03:00.000+08:00

Watch this shadow dancers! it's amazing. sooo nice.

2007-09-15T18:57:00.000+08:00

i think everyone should just leave SSC.

2007-09-13T20:56:00.001+08:00

haven't blogged for sometime. been busy with my prelims. it hasn't ended yet. but tomorrow is e maths paper2, so can take off some time to destress.
anyway, i think i should be less flustered during exams. i read so many questions wrongly cause my mind wasn't clear, and that cost me like, 7marks.

sigh. quite depressing.

another thing. i went training today and there was only me douglas, elliot nat me. it's sad. slowly everyone is leaving.
sigh, why leave ? give a chance to the new coach. he might be as good.

yea and today during exam in school weizhen felt the earthquake. haha, i didn't feel anything, at all. and that day there was some shaking at my house but luckily i was sleeping, otherwise i'll just.... cry? haha.
oh and the news said that they might postpone the end of year exams cause of the earthquake. hee. -crosses fingers. (:

and today in school. ___ teacher was being damn bitchy. she made this announcement to all the sec 4s. and she said something which so OBVIOUSLY referred to me. but didn't say my name lah. wth. whatever lah.

more updates soon.

2007-09-05T22:04:00.000+08:00

Short Inspirational Parable Of The Pencil - Pencil story

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. "There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil,
"Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."
"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."
"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."
"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."
"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.
Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.
And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

thanks ms neoh for reminding this in one morning reflection. i'll keep this in mind... and keep moving on. plus, you don't have to buy a flower to brighten me up. don't waste money. your talk with me today was more than enough <3
i promise you lesser swollen eyes in the mornings.

2007-09-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

wangjiaolian is the ultimate coach entertainer. (comprimise or compliment )? HAHA. she totally used it in the wrong context. wanted to hao lian her english to me then use wrong word. haha but almost the same lah, right right? ;)
plusplus, she's damn sarcastic. "feng ci " me. heh, i learnt a new chinese word under her. cool hur? 2-in-1 chinese + swimming training.

and she's so ''specially mean'' in a bad sense too. she didn't allow me to do fly with fins. hello, EVERYONE allows me to do it. except HER. one firm big NO! right smack into my face. thanks ah. hahah.

wait wait. better don't talk too much about her. i think she reads my blog. and i might still need to train under her. so we'll just leave it here. for now, that is. hahah.
so yea ,must give her "comprimise". haha she totally rocks x9438273.

yea, i heard about ___ that everyone's talking about. though the outcome is not finalised yet.

anyway, then i stayed in the club to mug with Gareth cause Ben totally abandoned me! sobs. haha, kidding. cause he had school. but i was such a good influence on gareth okay. i MADE him study. so we were doing work for like 5-6hours non-stop. go gg! (:

i'm such a good influence, honestly. hahaha.

2007-09-03T23:46:00.000+08:00

2007-09-03T14:59:00.000+08:00

embarrassing. shoot me.
we were having a mock A maths exam today in school. and everyone was so quiet, doing their papers when suddenly...

"come on over! come on over baby!" my handphone rang in the MIDDLE of the EXAM! ( with christina aguilera girly pop ring tone ) omg, SO embarrassing. somemore my ringtone was so cheesy!

so cheesy that even my teacher mrs ch, did not confiscate my handphone. and instead EVEN started LAUGHING at my ringtone. (if you want to know how "cool" the song was, listen to it at the side of my blog. points to left-)
ahhh. i totally blushed, my face was as red as a tomato, literally.

but it was a good stress reliever for the exam tension...

anyway, i'm training 730am tomorrow. and ben's going too (: wonder who's taking us. i hope it isn't __. -crosses fingers.

2007-09-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

haha this is such a funny thought. i feel so childish and immature.
but, i just realise how i'd rather be everyone else, except me. hmmm. and i'm well... kind of disgusted with myself?
i know i shouldn't think this way, but i can't find a reason why would i want to be me. hmmm.

it will be over.
and away from everyone,
i'll prove it.

2007-08-31T20:20:00.000+08:00

omg. today is such an fun and UNLUCKY day for me.

i FELL splat on the ground right in front of 6-7 teachers who were sitting on a teachers' table and eating. and they ALL stared at me. haha SOOO embarrassing! then Mr J asked, " are you okay girl?".
i wanted to shoot myself. plus, i've a bruise on my knee now :(

OH and something super funny happened today during the teachers day concert, in the hall.
we were sitting on the 2nd level in the hall. and Si Ming decided to drop a hard circular candy down onto the first level of the hall where the other classes of students were sitting and guess what?!
a student below took the sweet and ATE the sweet! HAHA! omg, hilarious pig! damn disgusting. yuckyuck. the sweet was like super dirty. hahaha.

then my class decided to celebrate teachers day by playing netball with our form teacher Mrs KJ! haha, quite ironic. cause my class is the top class, so we should be the most hardworking. but then instead our class was the only sec4 class that have party no lessons for the whole day. haha.

then, during the game. my form teacher mrs k was the goal keeper. haha and she kept suan-ing me cause most people are like taller than me lah. so i always also cannot catch and reach for the ball ): insulting. teachers day somemore!

anyway, some teachers performed today! :D and miss hp, the "breath of fresh air" teacher, (who was with us during school nationals), was on stage! haha. she's so funky, doing some funny extravagant moves! she's so ON ON! i like enthu teachers. :D

sigh. yea. and it's the last day we get to see our teachers. we don't have anymore school. it's our study leave.very sad.

like alicia said today, when you feel you have a close bond with your teachers and then you have to leave them. it's really sad. cause despite the 4years or so time spent with them, after sometime, we'll sort of drift away from each other, and this close bond will be broken.
just like friends.

just that these "friends" journey you through every setback in life. they pull you back up when you've fallen. they believe in you. they go all the way out to help you. they make sure you take the right path.

thank you teachers.
...and happy teachers' day.

2007-08-29T17:58:00.000+08:00

i'm such a blur ASS. my maths mock exam. they ask me to answer ONE looong question ONLY. and guess what i went to answer BOTH. how stupid am i?! SHOOT ME someone.
i totally wasted my time there. if not, i could have done other questions and get at least 7marks. do extra also no marks awarded -.-"

& one my leg. my one WHOLE leg.
is seriously screwed up. i can't even walk properly NOW. i have to limp.

OH yea & _ remembered my name. omg. that's like the plus point of the day.

YEA and mrs t is funny. her lessons are like a comic relief. she NEVER fails to insult people. she definitely insults at least 10 people in one lesson. haha. you get the message. yea and i just got insulted today also. no surprise.
this is what happened sometime ago. crystal says,
" mrs t! can we contemplate during english lesson and not do work?!"
and mrs t goes,
" you only contemplate when you have brains. and you're BRAINLESS!"

haha and i "diao" 2 teachers this week. but they didn't get it. heh. funny, their blur faces :D
plusplus, i need to get teachers' day gifts/cards. teachers' day is on friday! :D niceee.

2007-08-27T18:48:00.001+08:00

I've got an ipod ! finally. it's metallic green. i like i like :D
fallen into the consumers' trap? well maybe.
but ANYWAY, i was transferring songs and pictures into my ipod. and omg, it just brought back some memories. i hope i'll never forget them. -crosses fingers

the background of some pictures. sigh, so many memories. it seems so recent and yet, everything feels so different now. it's sad. those genuine smiles... the good thing about a picture is that nothing in it changes, even if the people in it does. perfect.
the part and parcels of life. friends that come and go.
life's just like a dream, isn't it? nothing stays forever. everything starts fading away even before you realise it.

there's just so much to say about each picture.
and i really appreciate those who have entered my life (: playing a big or small part in my life, it doesn't matter <3

ANYWAY, putting all these aside,
i HAVE to say ireallyhatemyself for not reading the english topic properly. i wrote argumentative essay (as usual) so i went on & on until suddenly i saw the word HOW FAR. and i went omgwth shit.too late already. dammit.

the essay i chose was about how examinations ISN'T any indicator of ability. and now here am i getting so frustrated about my english 'exam'. how ironic.

i wrote about how society is more particular about exam certs etc and the distorted mentality of this presumably huge word."exam". shit i'm going to freaking FAIL. no no! i can't fail english ! ahhhh, annoying.

plusplus, i'm kind of pissed (?) cause the ss essay i took so long to type out. i only managed 7/13. wth cowdung grade is THAT? forget it.
i'm so used to all this shiz in life. reality check. peck= CMI (cannot make it)

Anyway, people listen to this youtube video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_rMgnUFOp4
"GREAT" way to improve english. haha. shoot me.

anyway, i'm sorry samm and rach for not going for this swimming open champs. don't make me feel bad already LAH. sigh. the thought of me racing is already such a turn off.

"If I lower my guard,
If I just told you,
Would you use it against me and hurt me?"

...from victoria.

that's probably why i'm holding back so much.

2007-08-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

So i've been studying these days till evening with dearest crystal and alicia!<3>&& mrs c ! omg everytime i ask her for solutions for maths papers, she goes on talking to me about how i should persevere, don't give up etc etc etc. haha, even crystal knows THAT okay. but then again...

i've really got to thank my teachers for always believing in me, despite disappointing them time and time again (:

Oh and biology experiment practical exam. they gave us "urine", to test for protein, glucose, bile salts in it. eeeeee. i was so disgusted with it. heh. but then after the exam, people were telling it isn't urine. but i REALLY think it is !

and my dropper totally broke during the exam. how sway. haha and when i told mrs k, she looked and me and gave the cheeky smile like, "did you break it?" haha , wth right. she's always giving THAT smile. ahhh, can't take it! :D

yea and english oral. omg, ONCE AGAIN, the oral examiner asked me if i had sore throat or it's my natural voice. omg, my voice isn't that husky right? ): plusplus, she have the oh-no-that's-sad face when i said it was my natural voice. eeeeee. how mean.

but then they were nice too. cause the topic was competitions and when i ended, they wished me all the best in my future swimming competitions.

&& i withdrawed from the open swimming champs cause i realise i wouldn't swim well, so there's no point. haha and Jaan went to sign up OTHER events for me. haha. the interclub comps has become so pathetic. there's no president and vice president team now!

look at the no. of swimmers who swam this time. there're only 2-3 senior swimmers swimming!

OH yes. and i can't believe ___ actually just totally busted in my face. she's so !! ahhh should have went with ben to the other pool to train LAH.

yea, cause Jaan isn't in S'pore. left for Jarkata.

2007-08-17T03:00:00.000+08:00

so it's the weekends finally. been a shitty hell week. and i had to type out some essay portfolio in such a short notice cause i missed a test + so much other demanding homework.
and i almost knocked out in class today. it was a scary feeling. like you suddenly don't feel yourself and feel like falling backwards. guess i was too worn out and tired from the 4-hour-sleep a day routine.

sometimes i just wonder if whatever i'm doing is worth it. cause i don't really see the results i expect. and i'm getting really frustrated. losing my cool easily.
like how i shouted at my class last week when they were noisy. i'm sorry. i don't feel good too.

and next week would be much worse. there's prelims. Biology, Physics and Chemistry practical exam.

i know this is not what i want. i've told them many times before.
but i guess they didn't understand how i felt.
there's no use in saying all these now. because it's over. and all i can say is that there's just regret in me.
but then again if time was reversed, you 2 might not have given me the choice.
i've been thinking these days. and i realise i really want to go with my heart and not my mind. i don't know. i'm not angry, just really sad.
perhaps if you 2 knew how badly i wanted it, how long i thought about it, and the tears that came with it,
you might have understand.

2007-08-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

guess i haven't been in the best of moods since the release of my chinese grade. i'm retaking it. i can't live with my score. neither can my teachers.
thankyou friends for your concern. the feeling of being back to square 1 after all the effort and having 9 subjects more to cope. It's really tiring, frustrating...

i took my chinese books today and i had this really strange feeling.
this feeling. it was as though i was intimidated by chinese. fear. i don't know if i can do this again.

so it's my english O levels oral tomorrow.
i will enjoy the exam. i will.

2007-08-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

I tried so hard.
my eyes are hurting after crying buckets. the fact that I tried. I tried so hard and yet...
But can I do this again?
Can I pick myself up and believe I'll do better?

2007-08-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

Getting back my O levels Chinese results tomorrow... Kind of worried :(
Haha just hope for the best...

2007-07-26T16:19:00.000+08:00

i'm so super pissed with myself.
i had a fever in school so i decided to leave school early. sickening. i HATE it. you can't get anything done cause you feel like shit. && i was suppose to go training today. sigh.
i just hope my fever subsides for now ^^
Otherwise, what if i've dengue? hahah. *touches wood* jkjk.

and oh no.
i've to decide my JCs by tonight. HOW HOW! )):
the jcs has already started chasing me for the forms. die.

yes and short entry today. i need my rest ^^

2007-07-25T15:38:00.000+08:00

haha only the 4 of us did PE^^ cause the rest had to go for some maths aust comp.
yea and i'm so sorry i told you all to bring PE attire! ^^ Mrs S didn't tell me anything the day before! so how i let you all know right? haha. NOT an excuse.
anyway, PE was so lame. we had to learn some dance. haha && the" breath of fresh air" bizzare teacher was there too ;D exciting right _?

Today school was so uncondusive. total waste of time. so many free periods^^
and my sitting partner didn't come! so i took her chair and join to mine, so i can lie on it and sleep. haha ^^ i need my sleep, grow taller!

yea and i'm pissed with my throat. sickening.
my voice is already so horrible and then now i've a sore throat that hurts. SHOOT me.
never mind. my mini holiday is coming ^^ ( saturday and sunday!)

this week's been shit. just hope it gets over soon.
there's just so much on my mind.
i'll try again, i promise. but i can't guarantee anything.
forget it. when were things ever fair?
i know i'm in no position to ask for anyone to believe in me.

2007-07-23T18:53:00.000+08:00

Sleepover at Annegoh's house with cheryl + victoria is ultimate. haha. watching movies and sneaking into the kitchen at 5am in attempt to 'cook' noodles. it was fun fun fun :DD
and and, so many confessions! haha, oh boy! i <3 them x98376265! :)

Yea and i just trained just now. typical cruise on Monday. no surprise. haha. and ONLY mayumi and me( senior swimmers) were there. so sad. zzz. then "nice" mayumi decided to leave after WARM UP set! leaving me ALL ALONE to do the cruise set. omg.

was sooo tempted to leave but felt quite guilty so decided to complete the cruise set at least.
haha but thank god zhang jiao lian let me do fly with fins instead of freestyle for cruise :)
so it was more fun! although more tiring ^^
and she kept saying i am doing too easy set. didn't believe i was working hard until my face turned red like a tomato. haha.
So quite satisfied with my training today ^^

School. a few of us had a talk with mrs t for like 30mins after lesson missing the NEXT lesson.
haha oops. (luckily didn't get into trouble). but it's so nice to confide into teachers ^^
like they'll always help you whenever you need it. a friend and mentor! ^^

So. the jcs has given me till 27 July to decide. my parents WANT me to go Tjc. cause the academics is highly emphasized. top 5 jcs in singapore.
but as you all know, i want acjc cause it's so sports-based. i like! ^^ so i don't know. sigh :/

2007-07-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

PE today was height+weight taking.
haha and i was made to do record the height and weight of each girl.
for once, i LIKE being the sports captain cause people will whisper to me, "eh peck! you record my weight 5kg lesser i treat you lunch!"
hahah! but of course i wouldn't commit myself to such dishonest act right ;)
i'm gohpeckyi okayy :DD haha jkjk.

Anyway,
i'm quite lucky i got into all 3 colleges i applied for. sajc, tjc, acjc.
i don't deserve it, honestly. come on lah, let's be frank. there's nothing commendable about me.

so i'll HAVE to decided which JC i want by tomorrow. sigh, how?
i don't want to make decisions. i don't even know what i really want. and JC matters alot.
sometimes my mind and heart just don't seem to act as one.
i know i'm such a failure.

2007-07-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

i've ceased all Maplestory tendancies. i deleted the game TOTALLY on my laptop. haha yesyes, discipline. it's time to buck up on my academics(:

Training! 2x50m (warm up). 200m (main set). 8x50m (warm down set). 10x50m (kicking set). yeah, that's what i didn't do today from the programme. quite alot hur? must admit abit guilty :X
yea and i guess i realise what a lousy student i am today.

2007-07-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

hello.
i've my O levels chinese listening compre tomorrow and it will be broadcasted on radio 92.4FM at 3pm.
how cool. so yup. you people can listen to it if interested.

2007-07-12T19:12:00.000+08:00

Thanks ally+ chewy for coming down to Toa Payoh :DD man man, you 2 went mad screaming for us. haha, until the officials kept staring at you two? girl power!
THEN, we went for team dinner :DD my my, the HIGHLIGHT of the day. haha.
Miss H came with us. so ON. i love KC teachers xD

that's us! we improved our PB! hahah.

Shana calls me a nerd. HAHA so there you go.

So school nationals is sadly over. haha.
I managed top 8 for both events. quite lucky considering there were 3 full heats. so yup.
but somehow i expected more from my timing i guess. my 400m free especially. sigh sigh. was so pissed. disappointed to a certain extend too.

and THANKS Mrs S and Miss H for the after-swim tatics of preventing me from crying :)
and Mrs S said my strokes are not symmetrical. something for me to work on.

yea and yesterday was the start of primary school nationals!
GO CHIJ KATONG CONVENT PRIMARY my little juniors <3

2007-07-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

Mrs S didn't come to Toa Payoh today. sigh sigh, so Miss H came.
she's so nice i tell you! :D haha very encouraging teacher.
but quite violent. waa you know she used her whole stack of worksheets and whack it down on my head okay. zzz. 0.0
(btw, my dear classmate: i'm NOT eyeing on her. i'm straight okay. i just like these kinda enthu "ON ON" teachers! haha. . )

Yea and Miss H took my WRONG timing. 50m back: 48secs.DOH! that's like PB+13 seconds. haha.
but i'm quite satisfied with my 50m back time today :DD i think?

and oh yes! THANKYOU JiaJie for bringing back my pull buoy from the club to my house. haha :D you're so waititng for this sentence right? here you go!

2007-07-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

EMDD concert at Victoria Theatre was good :D especially the drama (which almost brought me tears okay). haha.
my my, the whole thing just cheered me up. ALOT. how can i not be ?
when i get to see my 2 dear friends performing. amelia! kathleen! go girls!

PICTURES!
Dinner at somewhere called "newyork newyork"? haha.

YuenYing. she cracks me up TOTALLY EVERDAY. haha zui ai! <3

ME.YY.ANGE! haha it's quite dark cause we were in the theatre.

KC girls + their boyfriends waiting to get in! haha.

Sonia! Samm! Steph! <3

ANYWAY,
school nationals is STILL NOT officially over.
cause i still have to swim one 50m freestyle and 50m backstroke/breaststroke( sickening!) for relays next wk. finals :D haha.

but actually i don't mind going to Toa Payoh. haha, i actually got to catch up with so many people(:
cheryltan! yvonne! christabel! diviya! dan dan! carina! sheree!
haha, school nats is fun.

Yea, and the girl i was complaining about (the one who won me by 0.07sec!) haha. GUESS WHAT!
SHE'S CHAO YAN LING'S BEST FRIEND. zomg. better delete my post! :x

OH and carina is so funny and nice. haha, we were at the reporting area and i was kind of nervous then she was like eh eh peck! relax lahhhhhhhh. haha. thanks girl(:

2007-07-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

i hate you.

2007-07-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

One event down. one more to go TOMORROW morning.
Yea and there was this girl who was so !!! HAHA. she won me by 0.07seconds.
then after her event she ran to her coach and shouted happily" OMG i won Goh Peck Yi i won her ! "

Sigh. (people so sad already she still add salt to my wound. sobs )
yea she was pacing me like OMG okay. like EVERY SINGLE lap. when i sprinted, she sprinted. Grrr. i was thinking , "what's her problem?!"
Must win her next time! :D

Yea and it's so pressurizing with the JC coaches there. Omg.
On the starting blocks i could actually see them STARING at me. pressure :X

2007-07-02T18:03:00.000+08:00

I'VE 800m FREE TOMORROW MORNING.
yes, i have been whining about it all morning.
haha, i think it's the sugar rush. yea and i HONESTLY regret taking the 16-laps-suicide event. ( yea thanks to someone. who have very successfully influenced me to dread the event! haha. )

NVM. it's ONLY 16laps. pooof! it'll be over in a snap :D yesyesss!

hao ba shall go sleep SOON.

2007-06-29T22:53:00.001+08:00

SA time trials was kind of slack. we did like 2x50m sprint? and 100m of IM? haha, and i saw Diviya! :)
Met some other school girls like St Joseph's and St Nicks. i didn't know them but they were really friendly and nice so the time trials turned out to be quite fun :D haha.

OH and i bought 2 REALLY CUTE metal pencil cases! one is my all time FAVOURTIE. cartoon character winnie the pooh! (which people call me sometimes. NOT a compliment mind you). the other is Tom and Jerry. :D

Yea i won't be going school until Thursday. EVEN my teacher says i confirm die, miss so much lessons :/ haha.
but then nvm. i got my teacher to teach me during recess (breaktime) haha. i'm so mean.

SEC 2 wushu warriors!

SEC 4. reunite of the wushu warriors!
CHEERS TO THE SWEETEST BUNCH OF IDIOTS! :D

Yea my life is as messed up as my bedroom. haha.

2007-06-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

Got SA swim time trials tomorrow.
i've TOTALLY no idea how badly i am going to swim. sigh :(
wish me luck. i will NEED it. haha.

School nationals. my events are on Tues morning! so fast. KILL me.
and did you see the programme ? i'm in the slowest lane (heat 1 lane 8) for ALL my events cause my timings are fake. thanks to Mrs S! haha.

School training ytd was so tiring for once. i was swimming lap after lap ALONE, cause coach didn't want to let me off okay.then when i wanted to go home, she suddenly say " duo zuo yi qian mi (do 1km swim) "!zz.

OH and anyone knows where to order customized caps for school teams and stuff?
my swim team wants it.

yea regarding my interview, it was........ hmm. i also don't know how i fared. all i thought was that i've tried my best, and i'll leave the rest up to fate.

Bio lessons today. Wa lao. i tell you, so embarrassing! :X
Even my teacher, who should be nice enough to NOT laugh at me, laugh so hard until she was in TEARS la. so mean right. how can she like that lor.
somemore i so guai in class one. haha jkjk.

Chinese O levels oral next week! omg omg. i must speak more chinese :X

2007-06-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

haha i've started receiving bday wishes already. thankyou friends! :)
yea. YAY! it's 12am! 27th June officially!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE JIE, SAMMIE AND XUETING AND ME!
yup.
i share the same birthday as my sister + my 2 other great friends :D haha.
My wish for this birthday? improve myself as a person! family to be safe together always! friends to stay happy all the time!

Shall update more sometime :)
got lotsa stuff to do.

2007-06-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

Thankyou *coughcough* for 'advertising' my blog. i'm SOOO sincerely grateful. see see. my SINCERE *#&^@%#! face. HMMMMM.

Anyway,
WHO WANTS 4 DOLLARS TICKET. (tell Aunty shirlee) it's on 15July2007. Movie's HarryPotter. haha. better tell her earlier otherwise no more tickets. yup.
it's after school nationals so i THINK Jaan wouldn't mind us skipping one Sunday morning session. hehe.

First day of school.
didn't have the i-am-in-school kind of mood initially. but i guess it slowly began to crawl up in me that yeah, the holidays are over. haha. and i'm so sway. Got placed right in FRONT of class AGAIN. under teacher's nose. zzz.
Loads of work to get done -.-

Training today wasn't good, at all. stupid timings.
Don't know what's wrong with me. I couldn't feel the water at all. and i could feel my arms shivering with each pull. sigh.

then we did relays. we own like x983736 times. heh. and speaking of which, the loser team didn't even do their push ups la. LOSERS.

haha OH & as *promised*, ( waa Mr Lim and Ms ZhangJL has been such "amazing" coaches!) -anticipates applause.

this IS my last chance. tomorrow.
yea was on the verge of tears. you know the feeling of doing something you've totally no confidence in and yet,
it's your ONLY chance?
i'm really really really scared, worried, mixed feelings :(

2007-06-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

Isn't my friend's quiz fun? haha. and Mr Gareth + russell, regarding the last question, wa i DON'T know why you'll chose THAT answer lor.
heh. and don't argue over who's name is at the top. doesn't matter. both of you got 90%. YAY YOU 2 ROCK! :)

Yea. training was so STUPID on Saturday morning. haha.
i didn't know i had to do the 3km punishment for being late until after i completed the WHOLE warm up set.
so yea, i missed out on the WHOLE main set doing 3km. zzz.
and then Mr Lee ZY + elliot kept on laughing when i had to swim UP and DOWN UP DOWN x93826352 to make 3km. zzz. (i swear one day they'll have retribution.)

haha and "some people " got thrown out of the pool by Zhang Jiao Lian this morning. haha OMG right.
so scary. what if one day i am being thrown out too. die :X

Oh and Michelle and me thinks ZhangJiaoLian ( ZJL) is so... funny! haha. we were talking during training... and then suddenly...

ZJL: Michelle ah. i ask you. why you so tan(dark) now ah ?
Michelle: i working as life guard under the sun ma!
ZJL: aiyo, then why you still wanna work as that?
Michelle: cause the pay good ma! *laughs*
ZJL: ya lor. got money then can go buy cosmetics le.

HAHAHAHAHA! now now, we know where Miss Zhang spends her pay on! haha, of ALL things. she mentions about cosmetics! hee vainpot! >< (she better not see this). haha!

Yep. just 2more weeks to school nationals.
yesyes, i should start doing double training sessions.
i really want to make it to finals la.
though it sounds really unrealistic and laughable :( sigh...

2007-06-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

i CAN'T believe it.
i lost my Samsung MusicPlayer! it's like GONE GONE GONE! so is my new swimming costume i bought during SEA Age. zzz.
ANYWAY,
i'm going down to TYR warehouse sale tomorrow so anyone who wants to buy anything text me or something. tomorrow's the last day. yup.

So.
Thursday training was so slack i swear.
in the morning we did 0.5hours of swimming (technique). and when i requested from ZhangJiaoLian if we could play water polo ( Yao MADE me ask), she allowed. so nice right. but no time so she promise next time (wonder when hor. haha)

then in the afternoon we did sprints. SPY trained. wow, the first time in a million years. and i feel so injustice la. Samm, ben, and all were turning halfway (cheating) so i followed. (thinking it was "safe" to cheat)

and then i was the only one that kena caught. say me only never say them. zzz. and then ZhangJiaoLian was like "older swimmers means can cheat isit?" then they'll stand there laugh. zomg. so mean right. zzz.

i think that the problems in life shapes us into what we're today. to be strong. yup. i must be strong.

2007-06-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

i don't know why.
i've been so low in spirits lately.
school's reopening. school nationals. O levels prelims. hols assignments.
i'm so worried. nothing i do seems to be working out.

and everything is so important to me.
i MUST do well in everything. but yet it seems to unrealistic and impossible.

i don't even think i CAN make it to finals for school nationals. i just saw the programme. i think i need a slap for being so bloody egoistic, taking 400m and 800m freestyle. idiot. and i still can't pull properly bcos of my arm joint.sigh:(

i hate being :( but when i tell myself to try my best to stay happy and blog about the happy things, i find there's nothing to write about. there's just nothing to be happy about i guess. i don't want to fake the smiles.

2007-06-18T11:00:00.000+08:00

err. what should i say.
hopefully i can get some worries off my mind by sorting out stuff soon and that, well... things will be fine at the end of the day. yup.

but i shall try and be happy for now, cause someone's birthday is coming. i wonder WHO. ya ya i thick skin lah. haha. and Samm and i can have a joint party. since our birthday is the same. haha. so cool.

Something super lame and funny. haha. turn up ur speakers. enjoy!

2007-06-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

Don't read my post.
you know i hate you and you know you hate me. so why don't all of you just stop putting on your hypocritical facade.
i'm horrible, mean,fugly. yes, hate me more cause i will learn to hate all of you.

i don't understand why.
why is it that God always seem to give me hope, only to crush it the very next moment. i'm beginning to lose my drive in everything.
life seems like a chore.
the things i do lose its meaning. day after day.
i dread to waking up each day knowing there's nothing to look forward to, or to be happy about.

just when things seemed hopeful,the worst had to happen.
they said it was going to be fine, but what happened?
almost everything went wrong.
i held back the tears as much as i could, i needed someone to help me through this,
and what did they do?
blame me for it.

it's always me and my mistakes isn't it?

i hate the sleepless nights.
i hate the call of day.
i hate the sight of life.
i hate myself.

i don't know. i need to get over this, somehow.
sometimes i just wonder if i'm truly smiling cause i'm happy or if i'm just doing it for the sake of showing to everyone that i'm strong. that i'm fine. that i'm the fortunate one.

2007-06-14T13:26:00.000+08:00

whatever.
it's enough.
I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE A F CARE EVER AGAIN.

cause im given up hope,
on everything and everyone

2007-06-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

i wanted it so badly,
i did my best;
and this is what i got.

sometimes i just wonder,
what's there in life to be happy about?

2007-06-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

hmmm, i shall be cliche and write an entry about TODAY. heh.

Yea i was suppose to go this morning training but i overslept so i decided to not be a slacker and go train myself later. So yea, went to club at 11am to train ALONE.
mymy, the sun was so hot i'm like a piece of black charcoal now.
but i didn't complete the set haha=)

Went PP. and this old lady kept staring at me >< so i turned away and then she called me and said i was CUTE?!?!?!?!? errr okay. THAT'S really weird.
and she started talking to me and my sis. hahaha.
didn't her mom teach her NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS? HAHA. hmmmm.

PS. STAY TUNE TOMORROW FOR MY FRIEND TEST =) if you consider me as a friend, that is. cheers!

2007-06-06T14:49:00.000+08:00

Our SEA Age dance performance :D
haha i was in the last part of dancing, squashed on stage.
and my partner is the one with the BIG MESSY HAIR WIG. haha, yea the one that had to stand up at the end of the dance (to point the finger!) heh(:

haha, and ok FINE i hate admiting this but after watching the video that,
i realise that, OMG i'm FREAKING SHORT LAH! sobs :'(

i kind of miss SEA AGE. the guys and girls there are really nice! (: awww, i miss them! haha, i couldn't help but to post this picture i found on Sheena's blog.

Presenting to you...
Miss Lee Dan Dan's sexayyee leg! (Note: those "stockings" were the net to put swimming equipments. HAHA.)

Oh yea and i NEED to post this picture too (from kathleen's blog) haha.
Their CLB lessons are so much fun :D i think i wanna join CLB soon! (:

Their Lao Shi (teacher) is at the background, watching them sleep. HAHA!!!

HOW OFTEN DO YOU FIND SUCH THINGS HAPPENING , honestly! :D

2007-06-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

SEA AGE'07 is over. heh, 3 days in sports school and farewell dinner at some hotel(:
it was fun! but sad it isn't overseas. nvm nvm(: but it's definitely a great experience.
and and, Team Singapore got FIRST! :D there were 6 countries.
so anyway,
the dance was so messy everyone was like squeezing here and there. and my partner always swing me until so hard! haha.

yea and the swimmers didn't believe i was sec4 lah. they thought i was P6. and under the influence of silly shana lim, my nickname is shortie. tsk tsk!

PICTURES! (: scroll down(:
yvonne! (: the girl who thought i was p6 >< tsk tsk. haha.

Eve Ng! (: leeziyang: this is for you! haha.

Cassandra! heh, the girl that never stops talking. haha(:

Sarah lai. my 7 year friend! (:

christabel! (:

My swimming tag(: there didn't allow people without this so swim. haha LAME!

Our dance practices. heh(:

LEE DAN DAN! funny girl! heh(: swim 200m fly race still can laugh. haha.

hmmm. there's more pictures to be uploaded but i'm a little lazy. haha, next time(:

2007-06-02T18:32:00.000+08:00

SEA AGE was quite fun :D
i'm quite glad my event 400 IM is overr. heh. i did 1second faster than NAG. mymy, i broke stroke at least 8 times in the butterfly. sigh sigh, quite disappointed with that i guess :/

but anyway,
other than that. man man, the lunch and dance practices were hilarious. Shana Lim is damn cute(: heh. and she's kenneth's dancing partner. haha suay. and shana will never stop whacking me whenever i _____. hehe.
So.
my dancing partner is Lucas. but then somehow i ended up with Mark Chong. have no idea also. then Lucas got no partner i think ><. haha. and the dance is so, no comments haha.

yea and i saw Shirlee da jie and Wangjiaolian (: haha, wangjiaolian kept laughing at me lah cause i think she saw how i DIED in the 400 IM. hmpff! and shirlee da jie! man man, didn't have the time to actually speak to her. nvmnvm, tomorrow? (:

2007-05-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

HOW COULD SHE?!!!
she's such a hypocrite. how could she do that behind my back?
WTH. honestly. what's her problem?
does she need a slap or what? yes i KNOW i am a very evil and mean girl but you should have seen what she did to me today lah.

i didn't even do ANYTHING TO HER and this is the way she treats me?!!

ahhhh. i'm super pissed lah.
and i honestly DO NOT care if she reads this.
if you're really this type of person, then i honestly don't think our friendship can go on.

mymy, it affects me alot. you guys KNOW i am not judgemental but what you did today just made me believe what they said about you.
i tried my best to believe that you weren't such a person.
but i hate to say this. i was wrong.

man man, you're SUCH an ASS.
AHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE YOU!!! KJHGFDESSXCVHJKERTUIOLKMNHIKMNBVCBNM!

2007-05-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

over.

yup. everything's over.
i HATE my life now.

can someone please wake me up and tell me this is just all a dream, and that everything would return back to normal?